My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
