Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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