i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
