Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
