K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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