when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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