you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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