oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Michael Bay diarrhea
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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