That's when you crack a 10am beer
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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