remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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