she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
