I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
