Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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