I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
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