Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
