My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
