i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
