And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
