my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
