Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
