yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so let's talk penis.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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