i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
