Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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