dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
