i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
