is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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