I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
