So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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