I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
