i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
