This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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