can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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