I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
