Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
