so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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