I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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