My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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