I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
