The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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