For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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