Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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