Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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