So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
