Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
