If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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