the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
