Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it hurts more in the daytime
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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