There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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