did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
