I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
