I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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