Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
