My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
