Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
