my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
