Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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