Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
