i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
