Me too!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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