Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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