yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
