I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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