Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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