Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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