I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
