do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
