I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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